The Reality of DVA: "My situation had become so normal to me and so I guess I had just accepted it."

Beth lived with DVA for 22 years. It was only when she was asked during a routine trip to her GP that her life started to change. In the third of our survivor blogs, and the seventh of our 16 blogs for 16 days, Beth illustrates the importance of the IRIS programme and her Advocate Educators role in changing her life for the better.

In the first instance, I went to see my GP because my anxiety and depression were out of control. At the time that IRIS was mentioned to me, life at home was extreme to say the least.

I can’t really remember much from the appointments as I was in so much distress, but I may have mentioned my situation at home to her, more as a statement rather than pleading for help. This was because my situation had become so normal to me and so I guess I had just accepted it. That was how it was. I think I just highlighted it to explain my husband’s depression, and bizarrely to try and help him. I was fixated with helping him. I thought that if I did, he would be nice to me.

My doctor recommended I use the IRIS service and I rang them as soon as I got home. To be honest the first conversation I had with them wasn’t that helpful. They listened to me, but I really didn’t think that they would be that beneficial.

I think, if I remember clearly, (my life was horrific at this time and so much of it was a blur) that I rang them back after a GP mentioned them to me again. I then spoke to Laura who became my Advocate Educator (AE) and she was amazing. It was her skill in gradually teasing out my situation that set me on the road to recovery. She was my knight in shining armour.

I had explained my situation to so many professionals over the years (I had been with my husband for 22 years at this point) and in that time I had started to hold back information, as I thought people wouldn’t be interested. Laura was amazing because of her natural ability to gauge what was going on despite the limited info that I told her. She gave me options and time to make decisions. She never rushed me and really listened to me. She has given me freedom.

I thought that I was jailed forever but now I am free. I am a new person. He is gone. And I can breathe again. Before I was stressed, anxious and terrified. Now I am happy and more importantly so are my children. My advice to other women in this situation is to use IRIS. They were my only lifeline to escape. IRIS is a vital service that needs to stay.

Beth is a DVA survivor who was helped via the IRIS programme. You can read more about that here.

Partners

AVA

AVA is an expert, groundbreaking and independent charity working across the UK.

Their vision is a world without gender based violence and abuse. They aim to inspire innovation and collaboration and encourage and enable direct service providers to help end gender based violence and abuse particularly against women and girls.AVA’s work is focused around those areas where they can make the best contribution to ending violence and abuse. They do this by making sure that survivors get the help and support they need in the here and now, through providing innovative training that has a proven direct impact on the professional practice of people supporting survivors of violence and abuse

developing a range of toolkits, e-learning and other material that supports professionals to provide effective and appropriate support to survivors of violence and abuse

using our influence and networks to ensure survivors voices are heard. We work closely with AVA in many areas including the Pathfinder project

https://avaproject.org.uk

SafeLives

SafeLives are a national charity dedicated to ending domestic abuse, for good. We combine insight from services, survivors and statistics to support people to become safe, well and rebuild their lives. Since 2005, SafeLives has worked with organisations across the country to transform the response to domestic abuse, with over 60,000 victims at highest risk of murder or serious harm now receiving co-ordinated support annually. SafeLives are members of the Pathfinder consortium.

http://www.safelives.org.uk/about-us

IMKAAN

Imkaan is a UK-based, Black feminist organisation. We are the only national second-tier women’s organisation dedicated to addressing violence against Black and minoritised women and girls i.e. women and girls which are defined in policy terms as Black and ‘Minority Ethnic’ (BME). The organisation holds nearly two decades of experience of working around issues such as domestic violence, forced marriage and ‘honour-based’ violence.

They work at local, national and international level, and in partnership with a range of organisations, to improve policy and practice responses to Black and minoritised women and girls. Imkaan works with it’s members to represent the expertise and perspectives of frontline, specialist and dedicated Black and minoritised women’s organisations that work to prevent and respond to violence against women and girls. Imkaan delivers a unique package of support which includes: quality assurance; accredited training and peer education; sustainability support to frontline Black and minoritised organisations; and facilitation of space for community engagement and development. They are a part of the Pathfinder Consortium.

https://www.imkaan.org.uk

The University of Bristol CAPC

The Centre for Academic Primary Care (CAPC) is a leading centre for primary care research in the UK, one of nine forming the NIHR School for Primary Care Research. It is part of Bristol Medical School, an internationally recognised centre of excellence for population health research and teaching.

A dedicated team of researchers at the Centre work on domestic abuse projects and IRISi is a co-collaborator and partner on some of these projects including ReProvide, HERA and DRiDVA.

The Health Foundation

The Health Foundation is an independent charity committed to bringing about better health and health care for people in the UK. The Health Foundation’s Exploring Social Franchising programme aims to generate a deeper understanding of the potential of social franchising models for scaling effective health and social care interventions within the NHS.

We are one of four project teams participating in the programme to develop a social franchise to enable the sustainable spread of our intervention, the IRIS Programme. We receive funding and support from the Health Foundation, including technical expertise on social franchising, and attend programme learning events. The Health Foundation has also commissioned a programme-wide evaluation to support understanding of the use of social franchising in the UK health and care system. We and our franchisees will support the evaluation through co-designing data collection requirements, providing access to data as requested, hosting site visits and attending learning events.

https://www.health.org.uk

STADV

Standing Together Against Domestic Violence is a UK charity bringing communities together to end domestic abuse. They bring local services together to keep people safe

Most public services weren’t designed with domestic abuse in mind, and they often struggle to keep people safe. Poor communication and gaps between services put survivors at risk.

STADV aim to end domestic abuse by changing the way that local services respond to it. They do this through an approach that they pioneered, called the Coordinated Community Response. The Coordinated Community Response brings services together to ensure local systems truly keep survivors safe, hold abusers to account, and prevent domestic abuse.

Their model of a coordinated local partnership to tackle and ultimately prevent domestic violence is now widely accepted as best practice. They are also a part of the Pathfinder consortium.

http://www.standingtogether.org.uk

Spring Impact

Spring Impact is a not-for-profit social enterprise born out of the frustration of seeing social organisations constantly reinventing the wheel and wasting scarce resources. Spring Impact uses a combination of tested commercial and social principles and extensive practical expertise to support organisations to identify, design and implement the right social replication model to scale their social impact.

The Reality of DVA: “My situation had become so normal to me and so I guess I had just accepted it.”

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